Roadrunner Musings

Who Are You?

Really? I mean who is more real, the person you think you are in your head or the person people see you as?

Everyone sees you differently. They see you through their own filter and the one you use toward them. I project a different person to my children than I do to my friends, to my online and in-person friends, and differently to family members, too. And each of those people sees me through their own filter of experience and personality. I’d have to say none of those people see the “real” me in its entirety. Everyone censors themselves to some degree or another, consciously or not.

And then there is the me in my own head. Is she the “real” me? Maybe, but that me changes quite a bit from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour. She can make me proud when she is kind, loving, and patient. She can be confident and outgoing. She can be impulsive and fun. And then sometimes I just don’t know what to make of her. She scares me when she seems cruel, angry, hurt, and spiteful for no reason whatsoever. I try to hide her away on those days, but she always seems to creep out somewhere. Her damage is hard to repair.

I wonder what it would be like to be able to get inside someone’s head for a day. Would we recognize that friend? Would we sympathize, or at least understand better? Or would not be able to see around our own filters?

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