You know what?
There is no lifestyle or choice you can make that will bring you a life with no pain or struggle.
Life is pain and struggle.
We all work through it our own way. Cry. Scream. Rage. Isolate yourself. Do whatever you need to do to ease it as it passes through.
And then get up and keep going.
Watch for the sparks of joy and happiness along the way. Blow them into tinder and watch them dance in the flames for a bit.
The pain will come back again, but so will the joy.