Wandering with my eyes and heart open, searching for pieces to add to my own personal big picture.

Join Me in my Adventure to Wallow in Some Self Pity!

I think treating self pity as just another emotion to jump in and swim around in a while is a practice of good self care. Come on! It’ll be fun. Really!

Self pity medicine. Otter Pops for grown ups: Cosmopolitan Vodka Martini
These usually cheer me up on a warm afternoon!

“I had every intention of writing this morning, I swear, but here I am again with nothing to say. That’s a lie. I do have things to say, plenty of them. I’m just not sure how or, more importantly, why I should say them.”

Me this morning

Yeah, I’m pretty far out in the deep end these days. I just can’t seem to get a grip on it. I’m going to stick with the swimming pool analogy for a moment.

Emotions are like swimming pools. I have several and some of them have very deep ends, so deep you can have a good, high diving board. My pools have nice steps to get out at the shallow end, and some have ladders to climb out at the deep end. Some. There’s the trouble.

Some of those deeper pools are hard to get out of. You have to want to and have the strength to get out on your own or have a friend available to lend a hand. At the moment, I have none of those things, so I’ve decided to float a bit instead of struggle to tread water. I’m conserving my energy until I find a solution.

Besides, I kinda like here right now.

Yes, I’m well aware that everyone’s world has changed. I know everyone struggles. I’m not alone in anything here. But this story isn’t about everyone. It’s about this girl, so come swim with me!

Things I’m considering:

  1. Daily routines…boring…what can I do?
  2. Writing. Should I quit? No. Writing things like this helps me think. It’s word therapy.
  3. Blogging. What to do here? Posting every day is a lot. Maybe I should adjust that. Or maybe give up blogging all together?

Something that I’m pondering on:

A friend of mine just told me (this morning, no kidding), “No one is going to come knocking on your door and ask you to be friends.” I told him that I’d rather just stay locked in my house and yard.

That’s me in a nutshell. “Help! I’m in a nutshell! How did I get in here?!”

I’m just not sure where to go from here, so for now, I float and rest.

Going back to the post Why DO I write here anyway? was a good idea. This feeling of self pity is a recurring cycle of self-doubt. I’ll be back again…and in great numbers!

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6 Comments

  1. Self-pity inevitably sneaks up. I think it’s okay to acknowledge it. Then the challenge is to release it. One trick I know is to take whatever the situation is for whatever it is teaching me and then say goodbye. Sometimes forgiveness is involved—for someone else or even myself.

    • Michelle Huelle

      That’s the struggle, right? I tend to look to others to approve of my cycle of self pity and then feel better. When I don’t get it? Yikes. Today, I’m approving of my myself. 😀

  2. I find writing to be therapeutic for me. It is often the hand I need to pull me up. I also find that while I blog, I have less and less to say when I’m in the company of people. 🙂

    • Michelle Huelle

      That’s exactly what happened this morning. I got my laptop out and started tapping the negative words…and the magically the nicer me came out.
      As to less to say around people…well…I can dream of that day. I’m a talker!

    • Michelle Huelle

      This morning I was my own help and it was awesome.

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