Wandering with my eyes and heart open, searching for pieces to add to my own personal big picture.

A Reading End and A Writing First

What’s this “writing first” you speak of Michelle?

It may sound crazy, maybe a little silly, but I’m excited because today is the last day of January and I have achieved a goal. I have written and posted here every single day this month. They weren’t all beauties, but they are there. The habit is taking shape and solidifying.

Each morning, I grab a cup of coffee and my book. I kiss my husband good morning, sit down on the couch to start reading. I read an hour, set it aside, and pick up my laptop. I’m not sure what I’ll write about. It might be about the book I’m reading, but maybe something else is on my mind. There were many days that nothing came to mind right away, but I wrote anyway and then…there it was.

If I can do this, what else am I capable of?

Now that I’ve started to build the habit of writing each morning, I’m thinking I’ll start honing it a little. I tend to open my browser and read other people’s work, take glance at Facebook, and then start writing. Many times, that peek at the world colors my own thoughts, and I think I’d like to stop and write first before I do anything else.

The plan is to write what’s in my own head, save it, do some yoga practice, have some breakfast, maybe read another hour, and then open that document up and add to it. For February, my goal is to add this bit and continue to post todays work the same morning. Starting in March, I hope to write another hour, and maybe start editing and posting the previous days work instead. We shall see.

writing first
So rich…that’s right!

And what about the “reading end” you mentioned?

No I’m not going to stop reading, but can we talk a second about Trotsky’s History of the Russian Revolution?

This morning I finished the first volume. My edition is a collection of all three books bound into one ginormous (that’s one of my favorite words) volume. That makes it over 1400 pages of history. I’m tired of reading it, and I’m pretty sure you guys are tired of hearing about it too. This morning, when I reached the end of volume one, at page 546, I thought, “You know, you could legitimately stop reading here and move on. There is no disgrace in that.” And I think I’ll heed my advice and do just that.

My big takeaway from this reading is that, once again, I’ve been shown how freakin’ complicated and convoluted the Russian Revolution was. So many factors make it confusing. I don’t think anyone can read a couple books and really understand it, but I have loved trying. And I’ve gotten a lot out of my reading. It’s still one of my favorite era’s and I’m looking forward to learning more. I just need a break.

Bear with me for one more thought before I leave this book behind.

It bothers me how much we use the language of Marx and the Russian revolutionists today. I hear it every day on the news, on Facebook, in articles, and in the speech of my family and friends. I get the creepy feeling we’re all being used, and those words don’t mean what they think they mean.

Revolutions of any kind always turn violent, and we never know what the outcome will be. It’s always a last-ditch effort against an oppression that can no longer be borne by the people. It is not something to promote and take lightly. The question should be: Am I willing to die for this? Am I willing to sacrifice other human beings for this?

The common people will always be used by the ultra-rich, powerful, and political elite to further their aims. We are pawns in their world-wide game. We may be caught up in it, but we don’t have to play. Years ago, I let politics go (as much as possible) and decided to simply live my own life.

That doesn’t mean I don’t vote or educate myself. It means that I do the best I can to understand the basics, keep my personal philosophy and principles in sight, and leave everyone else to do the same.

I will not be a willing pawn in someone else’s game. I won’t get angry and hate on those who do not have the same ideals as I do. I will not play one human being against another. I will not hurt others because they are not on my side. But I will stand up for what I believe in and do what I believe is right, even if that means I am hurt (emotionally, physically, or financially) by my fellow citizens or government in the process.

Do you see why I need a break from this book and the study of this era?

I’m not sure what I’ll start reading tomorrow. Picking a new book from my TBR is always a little stressful and exciting. Oh my…another first. I did not buy a new book this month!

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6 Comments

  1. Congratulations on writing every single day of January, Michelle. Isn’t it wonderful to reach the finish line and wonder how you got there?

    • Michelle Huelle

      It’s a good feeling. I’m not the most consistent or stick to it kind of person. I’m a free spirit, my mom says. 😀 Building new habits is hard!

  2. I am duly impressed! I have not ever even tried to write daily!
    And I am also impressed with your reading of Trotsky.

    • Michelle Huelle

      Thank you so much! I need the encouragement these days. Habits don’t come easy for me…at least not the positive ones!

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