I’m trying something new today. Instead of freaking out and burning the world down, I’m holding space for feelings, just putting everything aside and relaxing with myself.

I’m not sure what to write this morning, or even if I should. WordPress reminded me that I’ve been at this for seven years today and I’ve been spiraling in existential thoughts ever since.

This is how my morning went.

I decided to take an extra cup of coffee out on the porch to think. Of course, I took my phone with me…can’t miss a text, you know. But I’m glad I did because I got these pictures.

It’s spring in the desert, so the morning sun is gorgeous to sit in. This is my favorite morning spot, staring out at the desert. Chili followed me after a couple minutes, and Abe was close behind.

“So this is where we are sitting now? Hmm…ok.”

They both watched the desert with me a while.

So what are my existential thoughts this morning? Hmm…dare I share them?

Considering why I write and if I should. Wondering if there is any point to social media lately. Longing for in person conversation over deeper subjects than what my kids are doing. Thinking about taking a break from posting (but not writing) for the month of May, but that limits my contact with the outside world even more.

I’ve recently joined a local Meetup book club and I am wondering if I’ll actually go. Meeting new people in new situations is one of my most difficult pursuits. I think it’s time, and it could be a great way to face my fears and start… I don’t know, branching out?

I feel like I’m in a rut.

Maybe writing just isn’t my thing?

So I’m holding space today just to think, in this post and in my physical surroundings.

I finished reading From Strength to Strength by Arthur C. Brooks and I know I’ll have some words about that tomorrow. For now though, I think I’ll just leave it in my head to roll around some.