Wandering with my eyes and heart open, searching for pieces to add to my own personal big picture.

Tag: living

What if I told you there is no “right” way?

what if I told you

What if I told you…? I love those memes. It’s just so versatile. Searching for one, I found this one MOST profound.

But seriously. What if I told you there was no right way to do life?

It’s starting to become clear to me that there was no real plan all along. Anytime I made a specific long term plan, any time I said this is what I want my life to look like, it all fell apart or caused me so much pain and stress that I was forced to change direction. When I went for short term happiness, when I chose peace and quiet, the calm path of least resistance, I ended up right where I needed to be.

What if instead of creating expectations about how things should work out in the long run, we made the choice to be satisfied with most things just as they are? The old me, and part of me right now, would say that sounded lazy. If we lived like this nothing would ever get done. The me that I am today, the one that attempts to look back on things as clearly as possible, says I haven’t found that to be the case.

I’d like to say that I went to college after high school because I had a dream of being a Broadway stage designer and was working towards that goal. In reality, I was only doing what everyone else was doing and what the school counselors all said I should be doing. I chose the university because I just happened to tour it with my theater class, it had beautiful trees and old buildings. I applied and they accepted me. It was an expensive choice, one my husband and I both paid for the next 15 years, but it wasn’t a waste. I took away a lot of experience from those three semesters, even though I never finished the program.

I’d like to say I had a grand goal of a career at Knott’s and Disney. The reality is that I just found jobs and kept doing them. They were fun and exciting and, my mom was right, I didn’t want to keep doing them after I had kids and started getting older.

I’d like to say that I chose to be a stay at home mom and a homeschooler because I wanted to raise my kids right. The reality there? I was too tired and stressed to work at night and take care of kids during the day and my husband would rather have a peaceful home than a higher household income. I homeschooled because the public school in our area was terrible and we couldn’t afford private schools. I was already home so I chose the easier, cheaper route available at the time.

Everything I have ever done and had a successful outcome with was because I chose the less stressful, less tiring option. I accepted the reality of the situation I was in and made it work for me. And it has worked, right down to the basic tenets of our marriage.

So far, life has taught me that there is no preferred outcome other than letting it go and enjoy the ride. Do what you want to do. Let others do the same. There is no right way to live your life. There’s just your way.

Sexy Vampires

20181115_134928I loved vampires as a teenager and well into my twenties. They were just so damn sexy. I read every book about them, watched every movie. I saw this book on the shelf at our used bookstore a week back and thought, yes…I need to revisit this one! I devored it.

It was still a pretty good story. I did very much get sucked (yep, I said it) into it. I brought the movie up on Netflix but only got about fifteen minutes into it before turning it off in disgust. I wasn’t happy with their choice of actors back then either.

I did get something interesting this time. I learned something about vampires. They’re dead. I know! You didn’t know that? Of course they are! But here’s the thing. Louis never let go of being alive, of being human. He thought he was ready to die. I guess they all thought that and eventually came to terms with it in one way or another, or died.

Vampires are dead. They are dead things and don’t change. They don’t grow. They don’t add to the living world. They only feed off the living to stay the same.

It’s tragic. How could we want that? We love vampires because they live forever, they have power over others. But at what cost? The fact that we die, that our time is limited, is what makes being human so wonderful. We have to spend our time wisely. We have to work to stay alive.

I’m not so in love with vampires any more. They aren’t half as sexy as they used to be. Maybe I’ve grown and left them behind.

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